[2004-10-15]_3:17 p.m.
turmoil
I actually forgot
how it feels
the taste
the burning inside
of the unknown
that rush that comes along
and changes your beliefs
so sacred to you
like the wind
blowing your cap off
or umbrella inside out
I actually forgot
that I am human
and am subject to those emotions I try so hard to deny
and that nothing can be as easy
and you would think
my mind is in turmoil
and I know why
but I don't know how this will turn out to be
and it makes me tremble
cause I'm so jaded
these days
that my hopes are so high
and esteem is running low
and I can be such a makeout whore sometimes
that
I almost forgot
what its like to breath
and not be hungry
because of the nerves
I blame my birthday
for making me question my surroundings
every year
right on time
the thing that never fails me
that feeling of warmth
so far away
that its almost impossible
to reach
and fels so one sided
I won't be the one
that carries the heavier burden
I won't allow myself
to be what I have already become
I will not swallow my pride
I cannot think right
and it makes everything wrong
and all I want
is to know
what it all means
and what's going to happen to me
either way I know ill survive
but I need to know
something
anything
so that if that storm comes
and breaks me down
I would have been prepared
I would have covered the windows
I would have been prepared
for something that you are never,
even with proper forshadowing,
quite ready for.