[2004-01-03]_6:30 p.m.
love and war
today was a long day.
when i woke up, i fell over.
i think i have vertigo.
or it may have been the raw pizza i ate last night.
god it was awful.
work was long today.
and slow.
whats up with these people.
slow saturdays, but busy mondays??!?
i am exhausted today.
got shit on my mind.
lots of it.
joey doesn't talk to me much anymore.
he never did in the first place though.
so i guess nothing is lost.
i just want to be alone today.
and listen to music
in the middle of nowhere.
i feel so claustrophobic
so pushed against the wall
like im being taken off course
by something
a feeling that i did not rest last night.
i apologize for my intentions
for the end does justify the means
but i cannot express the means
in any way i know how
with a limited life as mine
i wish it to last for ever
but the end always draws close
when you finally feel the warmth
of the sun
feeding your soul
what it has always wanted.
i cannot deny god
much longer
and it instills fear into me
for the foreshadowing is vague
chalkboard covered in the dust right after being wiped semi-clean.
today i will rest my soul
before it is challenged again
rest indeed
is what i need
for even when eyes are tight
the light seems to shine in
so bright
exercising every sense to its potential
was i meant for this?
was this meant for me?