[2005-08-05]_1:00 a.m.
rib cage
I think
this self infliction I have succumed to
pricking myself
with my anti hopes
and anti desires
is how I maintain my life
how I give myself entertainment
how I keep from going mad
but I also feel
that it may be the underlying cause
the end justifying the means
I still cannot grasp what I need
or anything close to it
but I've accumulated this list
unending
of things to pass
and its amazing
what I've seen
what I've heard
how one can think
sneaking in on ones inner voice
its fucking amazing
that I feel the way I do
when there is much beyond
my current stay
much more than I could ever handle
and so perhaps this is what I get
this is the cause and effect
I awarded myself
this is the award of being a destructor
of open hearts
even though
its not so easy
cracking open a chest
without leaving a physical blemish
its no simple task
but one I have been given
the unconscience gift
of performing
so well.