[2004-01-16]_2:31 a.m.
drunk dreams
im really drunk right now
and all i wantis sleep
like never before
without the spinning
without the blurs
without the car alarms
just now
i wish you could understand
i had a chat with some randpm guy tonight
about god
and he told me
"why bother? you only let yourself down."
it seems he already made up his mind
when he said he didn't know
he knew
what he didnt believe
and so did i.
i didnt believe him
or getting into his car
so i left
he begged me not to go,
but my better judgment said differently
it said go
the way you know how
and i did
and i will never regret it.
not as long as im alive
***************************
i met josh's ex tonight. i expected more for such a great guy, but knew what id see.
they always are likee that you know
the exs
nothing of what we really wanted
only a shortcut to what we didnt.
how they make us grow.
*******************************
how am i ever to be president now?!?!?!
******************************
its so cold
and all i want is warmth
and i cant have it
a lesson i must also learn
hopefully not the hard way
*******************************8
I think i quit smoking tonight. i gave a pack back to someone.
i cant do it anymore
i love me
so much
that i will avoid harm at all costs.
and i love you so much
that i will avoid the means
that justify the end.
for there is always an end.
*******************
what do you do when you cant hold your breath any more?
just let out the old, and in the new.
i will be shit at work later.
this i promise.
you really can't trust anyone you know.
when it comes down to it, every person is for the, self.
and if they are not, there is still more pain for you to go.
just let go
its easy really
just let go
and accept
true life.